What some of you don’t know, is that every fortnight weekend our home of 4 turns into our home of 6. Our home becomes a full house, full of kids with adventurous souls. It gets loud, it gets crazy, it gets heart warming and it gets fun.
My husband has two elder children from a previous relationship and they come stay with us every second weekend. There is Montana 12, and Heath 10. Kurt is absolutely and utterly in love with them. Heath is like Kurts idol and Kurt is like Heath’s best mate. It’s as though Heath takes Kurt under his wing and shows Kurt everything he knows. From how to do flips on the trampoline to teaching him how to ride a skate board. Montana is mother hen, so patient and caring of all her little brothers. Always looking out for them and helping them up when they need a hand. Montana adores baby Kyle, and baby Kyle adores her. He lights up when she’s around. We’ve been really lucky to have all our children get along so well. They never fight, they never argue, they never intentionally hurt one another. They’re always helping each other and playing.
We live in a three bedroom home, so on the weekends they’re here, Kurts room turns into a slumber party. The trundle bed comes out and Kurt and Heath share the double bed. We’ve asked them many times if they’re cramped or would rather sleep elsewhere but they’ve said together at night they all feel safe and love playing guessing games together before falling asleep. Kurt will continually complain after a nights sleep that Heath wouldn’t let him cuddle him through the night haha!
We’ve kept Montana and Heath out of our public social media for most part, purely because we respect their mothers right to keep them out of our public social media presence. Here and there you’ll see them on our snapchat and I’ll have people messaging me saying “I had no idea you had four kids!”
For the last two years, we’ve maintained a very healthy and friendly relationship with their mother and her husband. When Mannies father suddenly passed away in 2014, it was like a wake up call. The stupid stuff is not worth fighting over. It’s better to get along and not fight. Life’s too short to be fighting and arguing over things that really don’t matter at the end of the day. And since then, we’ve never been in a better place. We all help each other out with the kids when needed, and all put their best intentions first. Montana and Heath have never strived so much since. They will even tell us how much they love that we all get along now. Here and there we will do dinner together and on special occasions such as Mother’s Day, their mother and I will gift each other a present and she has thanked me many times for loving and caring for her children the way I do. This Christmas we’ve even arranged to spend our Christmas morning together as a big family. We’ve all agreed to come together and celebrate together.
But it hasn’t always been this good. We’ve absolutely and most definitely had our rough times where we’ve all hated one another and dragged each other over the coals. I was very young when I got together with Mannie. I was 17 and he was 22. My parents freaked. And I thought they were being ridiculous. I was too young to comprehend the relationship I was taking on. But I was in love, and that’s all I knew. So I knew it was worth giving a go. Ten years later, we’re still together and in love, so the chance I took on love all those years back sure paid off.
Early on in our relationship, I had times where I would take a weekend to stay back with my parents and question if this was really the relationship I wanted. Times were harder than others. But everytime I questioned it, it wasn’t because I didn’t love Mannie, it wasn’t because we would fight, it wasn’t because there was no spark between us. Mannie and I were (still are) crazy about each other. We never fight, we’re able to talk easily about any feelings we have. The issue I was having with our relationship was taking on two children. It was a huge deal for me as a teenager. I take my hat off to all the young mums doing their best. But I was committed to Mannie, he was what I wanted so I worked my way through it. I’ve done many sessions of counseling in my past to help me get to where I am today. It was all to build up my confidence and patience with taking on young kids at a young age. I learnt many things about myself and many things about children and the way their minds work. It helped me so much. Since doing that, my relationship with Mannies eldest children grew stronger and we get on great. We all know each other’s limits and weaknesses. They know I’m their step mother but I don’t want them to feel like I ever want to take their mothers place. They call me Conn, I’m Mum to Kurt and Kyle, and I tell them I’m their best friend, the one they can go to for anything or when they feel like they can’t go to mum or dad. I’ll be there. And that works for all of us.
Montana will come to me and talk about boys, friendships, make up, fashion, hair. All the stuff girls talk about. She’s a very sensible and mature young lady. Absolutely has her screwed on the right way and she knows what she’s wants. She’s a very smart and determinded soul. There’s isn’t much that scares her. Then there is Heath. He is just a total crack up. He’s full of cheek and humor. He’s always great for a laugh. His heart is gentle and pure. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. Heck, I’ve seen him be hurt by Kurt stepping on an ant. He is an animal lover with a heart as pure as water.
Our whole household looks forward to the weekends we get together, plus any extra days in the middle where we help out. It’s always fun, it’s always chaos, but it’s a good kind of chaos. It’s our chaos. And we know that one day, that chaos won’t be here anymore. The house will get quiet, the house will remain clean, the mud off their shoes will stop. And we will miss that. We will wish for that chaos to come back. You’ve just got to take the moments for what they are and embrace it. Us as parents yell and cry over these messy floors and loud fun, heck I’m guilty of it too. But one day it’ll be gone, they’ll be off living their lives. And we will get ours back. Haha! Just kidding 😉